Ask after you have delivered something, not after they have.
A referral is a person spending their own credibility on your behalf. Thirty seconds after an email address, they have nothing to spend it on — they have not seen the thing yet, and asking implies you think the signup was the value.
The honest sequencing is simple: value first, ask second. After they attended, after the module is finished, after the result. That ask converts better and costs nothing, because by then the person has something true to say.
The one exception, and why it works
Events. Bringing a colleague to a session genuinely makes the session better for the person invited — they get somebody to discuss it with, and the material lands against a shared problem. Here the ask is made on behalf of the person being invited rather than on behalf of your list, which is why it does not read as extraction. Give them a paste-ready sentence written for the recipient, and a link with their tag on it if you run tracking. One line, below the confirmation, no incentive required.
Asks that keep the trust
- Ask after value has landed — they attended, finished the module, got the result
- Ask for one specific thing: forward this to one person who has [the problem]
- Give them a line they can paste, written for the recipient rather than for you
- Make the invitation about the person invited, not about your growth
- Make it easy to ignore: one sentence, below the fold, no second prompt
Asks that spend it
- Ask for a referral before you have delivered anything at all
- Ask for a public review in exchange for money or access
- Pre-write a testimonial for someone who has not experienced the thing
- Gate the artifact they already earned behind a share
- Run a leaderboard for a free download and call it a launch
On incentives: a reward that does not distort the recommendation is defensible — a credit for both sides, an extra month, a resource they both get. A reward for a public review is not, because it buys the review rather than the referral, and readers are better at detecting that than most marketers assume. Never write a quote for somebody to approve; a testimonial you drafted is your copy wearing their name.
The tradeEvery ask spends a little of the goodwill the confirmation just built.
Confirmation clarity earns credit. A referral ask spends some of it, and an early one spends more than it can possibly return. The version that costs almost nothing is a single sentence, placed after everything else, phrased so declining is invisible. The version that costs a great deal is the modal, the incentive ladder and the second reminder — all of which convert a page about them into a page about you.